Does It Matter?

Does it matter when you look at me and you see nothing but misery behind the veiled happiness?

Does it matter that the only guy I love treats me like $#!%, even after I defend his actions countless number of times and I still love him?

Does it matter that I want to better myself and try to make something out of everything I have gone through?

Does it matter that I want to find my other half-sister, Mary Ann, because maybe one day I can be a part of her life and a possible match to her or her children?

Does it matter that no matter how much pain you put me through I am still standing by your side?

Does it matter that I want you to be happy and to have a chance at a normal relationship before you settle for someone like me with so much emotional damage its crazy?

Does it matter that every time I talk about becoming independent you become distant and bitter?

Does it matter every time you tell me you think I won’t make it that I always want to point out that you moved away and failed and have nothing to show for it other than student loans up the a$$, whereas, I stayed in Tyler and am now a graduate with 2 degrees with minimum student loans?

Does it matter that every time you say I can’t survive that you don’t know everything about me?

Does it matter that we BOTH still have to grow up and we can’t exactly do that when we are living together?

Does it matter that I have told you countless times that I want to marry YOU, and that I WILL come back?

Does it matter that after all these years we have been together, all the plans that we have made, they have all been made for the future? As in, AFTER I finish school, I have not finished, I am only taking a break.

Does it matter that you don’t truly have any demons you have to face, yet I have to face them every day and all you say is get over it?

Does it matter that I want a fresh start to maybe be happy and all you do is shoot my possible happiness down?

Does any of this matter to you like it does to me? The pain I have to bottle up from the constant sibling betrayal, boyfriend attitudes and being suppressed when it comes to reacting certain ways.

Does it matter that after all these years I am finally being selfish for once?

RayLynn Nations holds two degrees in Criminal Justice.  She enjoys reading, Karaoke and writing Inuyasha fan-fiction in her spare time.  Aside from her family and friends, RayLynn’s white DSH female cat, Luna, is very special to her.

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