Stress Hot Mess

January 2011, my prayers were answered and you came home.

A wonderful gift from heaven, finally all promises will be answered.

My heart was filled with excitement and joy.

Our life, a new beginning.

My prince charming here to save me from all the hurt.

You filled with hope and wonder.

Your eyes were filled with innocence so deeply blue and pure.

Every touch made my heart melt, and I was happy I waited for you.

Too much stress and compliancy, and you started to get high.

A dope mission took over

I could see it in your eyes.

I could hear it in your voice

My heart broke minute by minute.

What was I left to do?

I would go to meetings and try to share but was to scared

You would be at the bar while I sat there next to an empty chair.

Late at night when your fun was up, home you came all f@#$ed up.

Damn hoes would call and wake me up.

Jenny who they would say, Kyle has no girlfriend, he all game.

Not too long ago I was your world now I was just another whore

It drove me crazy everybody in town knew you weren’t being true

Calls and rumors spread.

I felt betrayed and used.

Girls of all sizes line up one by one hitting you up for some fun.

At the time I thought you owed me something.

All the time you were away I spent until the day we would meet again.

Now I was lost and felt I had no friends.

Broken and hurt, God was not even my friend

I was mad at Him for letting this happen

Did not understand He had a greater plan

Negative thinking all over again

Obsession drove me crazy.

I wanted to know the truth.

My creeper side came alive.

Even when I got the answer, denial kicked in.

How could this be?  You said you loved me.

Reservations I had, and I thought I had no choice but to use.

Under every skirt is a slip takes on a whole new meaning.

Hugs from a stranger and dirty looks no introduction what hurt the most.

There it was the bar where I could drink all my troubles away.

Anger, pissed, hurt, my head said f@#k it.

At the time I felt I would never be young enough, good enough for you.

That all along I was played like a fool.

My car, money and p@$$y you like.

But, you were too embarrassed to even hold my hand.

All dreams flushed down the drain

Pride to high to runaway

Glade I did not do what would have been suggested

To run like crazy

Through the trials and lots of pain

God showed me we are meant to be

I wanted things my way on my time

Being a creeper was a waist of time

Things are the way they are because I let it

I am only in charge of me.

I can’t change you

All I know is we love because, it is our destiny

Jennifer Paul writes as a hobby.  In her free time she writes poetry based on her life.  Most of Jennifer’s poems are true stories. 

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