Soulmate or Shipmate
Nowadays it seems that the idea of perfection is just a few profile clicks away. Sites including Match.com® and eHarmony® entertain our ever-increasing need for compatibility. If you find yourself in the “Barnum & Bailey” world of dating, it becomes clear that it can be difficult to get know the real person, adverse to what they aspire to be. Then the rarity occurs; you find someone that speaks your love language and is captured with every curve of your face. They listen when you talk and go out of their way for you. As you fall for them with every passing conversation the question then arises, “Are we ‘meant to be’ or just meant to be friends?”
What use to take months to toil over and express has been filtered down to the info section on Facebook. Just a few moments of scrolling can save you a heartache and a half. You find out right away if your love interest wants children, what kind of music they like, what they do for fun and their statuses tell you the rest. The status represents the person as a whole; and whether or not their daily outlook matches yours. As our technological innovations progress, I have found that it just might be possible to meet your “perfect” match.
The word “soulmate” evokes passion and touches on the heart of eternity. The lines between feeling “one” with someone and whether or not that means something more are blurry at best. This may be because our culture predisposes us to the thought of compatibility equaling significant other. After all, can you be just friends with your soulmate?
When delving into the idea that someone is superbly delightful to you, one can liken this to enjoying a dessert. Let's say the Coconut-Cream Cheesecake from 'Sweet Reasons'. As much euphoria as this dessert brings to the mind and spirit, you still have to place this comfort in the appropriate context, as the dessert by itself cannot substitute for a well-balanced diet. You can enjoy someone thoroughly without putting your beating heart on a platter.
If you’ve ever been on the phone with someone and the only reason the conversation ended was because the sun was coming up, then you’ve experienced having a “shipmate”. You sail through life together and enjoy each other to a fault; however there may be factors, i.e. lifestyle differences, physical distance between each other, which might prevent the relationship from thriving if you, were to incorporate the expectations of love.
A poll conducted by a local newspaper asked, "How long should you get a know someone before commitment?" A staggering 60 percent of people marked 3 months. Quite a lot can be determined about a person in 90 days. If both parties are open, you can find out all of the flags that wave "forever" or "for now". Even still the self-pondering question remains, “Is this my ‘fairytale’ ending?”
You can't un-ring a bell. It just takes one to exclaim the unforgettable words, "We are meant to be." Once that feeling is exclaimed it seems natural for the couple to then actually begin dating "for real”. Meaning, if we don't work out, were we not meant to be? (Or) Did we miss the buddy-bus because of our physical attraction and inadvertently jump the gun on what could have been a life-long nurturing friendship?
The goal is to hopefully decipher the realm in which our new found connection exists. Even small signs are crucial in leading us in the right direction. There are many things a couple can compromise on, and yet there are three that I call the "Uncompromisables". I have coined phrases for them below and in short they are: (a) whether or not you both want to have kids, (b) if you can talk intellectually with each other and enjoy the way you both process thoughts, and (c) if the person's lifestyle can mesh with yours.
-Just us two...or three's a crowd?
-Let's talk?
-You go on...I'll stay home.
If there is already an attraction and you can answer “yes” to all three questions, then I say you may have found your soulmate instead of a “shipmate”. But as always, my questions are answered by another question. Do each of us have more than one soulmate?
Maria Rose is a blogger and novelist. She grew up in a family of eight children with a muralist for a mother who helped her and her siblings find and develop their own creative voices. Maria wrote her first book, The Day Mr. Robinson Went Wacko, at the age of nine, a work she would be asked to read aloud to each of the other 4th classes in her school. Since the age of 16, Maria has written five (5) novels. Underlying Maria’s passion for writing is the thought that someone, somewhere, someday may find joy in reading one of her books, which they checked out from the library.
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TOSJ Staff
